The Project Gutenberg EBook of Mr Punch's Animal Land, by E. T. Reed
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Title: Mr Punch's Animal Land
Author: E. T. Reed
Release Date: January 8, 2015 [EBook #47907]
Language: English
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[Illustration]
M^R. PUNCH'S "ANIMAL LAND"
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
·"M^r. Punch's"·
·ANIMAL LAND.·
·DRAWN & WRITTEN BY·
·E. T. Reed.·
·maker of "PREHISTORIC PEEPS."
:BRADBURY, AGNEW & C^o:
·LONDON·
PREFISS.
There is two kinds of prefisses one if it is by yourself and the other
if you get a swell riter to do it for you. _I'm_ going to do it by
myself because I have done the talk undeneath the picktures so nice
that I think people would be greviously diseppointed if M^r. Andrew
Lang or someboddy was to do it instead like he did for Sybil Corbetts
book (thats the other little girl what _started_ "Animal Land"). He did
it awfull nice of course and then you can get such nice things into
it about your grate tallent and your emaggynation if _he_ does it. He
is so lerned and drags in illusions to _other_ grate authers but when
you can auth as nice as what I can there isnt realy no need. If you
do it yourself you must appolergise for it all (they allways do) and
say it shall not accurr again. I am quite at the openning of my corea
(I saw that in the papers) so I want ellowances made for my stile and
imperfect penship—I want it all put down to _yewth_.
I have done allmost all the most knowtable Animals—you cant do
evryboddy when youve got musick and depportment to do too.
(I never thaught I would get to riting a Preffiss but it is _abserdly_
easey.)
P.S. I lernt to _draw_ off the Veenus of Mealo and that doesnt help you
very much with _these_ picktures. They are mostly a diffrent stile of
art alltogether.
Contents.
1. The Hark.
2. The Balph.
3. The Shur.
4. The Oom.
5. The Mailyphist.
6. The Pawkywit.
7. The Jook.
8. The Benchiboss.
9. The Labb.
10. The Bujjithatcha.
11. The Wheedlepat.
12. The Goash.
13. The Leck.
14. The Stagynite.
15. The Ruddikipple.
16. The Bobbz.
17. The Showt.
18. The Painticheef.
19. The Tadd.
20. The Zolafite.
21. The Woolz.
22. The Klark.
23. The Jappypote.
24. The Bildaphleet.
25. The Sullivan.
26. The Skippydan.
27. The Aird.
28. The Coneydoil.
29. The Timm.
30. The Leedabar.
31. The Trimmadome.
32. The Wagg.
33. The Jingonite.
34. The Hyah-hyah.
35. The Kurnle.
36. The Yauk.
37. The Punchiboss.
38. The Morl.
39. The Fowla.
40. The Kortnee.
41. The Padd.
42. The Thrums.
43. The Tobymp.
44. The Weeda.
45. The Tree.
46. The Lorryit.
47. The Ellen.
48. The Sarabee.
49. The Villistanph.
50. The Octavus.
51. The Phil.
52. The Wunnudiddit.
The Hark
N^o 1.
(Sir William Harcourt.)
Jugging by his exspresion I should say he has just heard of some
millyonnares that is past recuvry.
[Illustration: The Hark
This Animal lives in a Resess in the Forest and eats Orkids and
Primroses. When there is Krisisses and things about he chuckles——
He has a Party but it is mostly not there.]
The Balph
N^o 2.
(Mr. Arthur Balfour.)
_Why. Ive left out his unkle_ who is a moddle of peliteness to
foriners. He goes in for "Peace with—anything."
[Illustration: The Balph
This fascinating Animal lives chiefly in a "bunker" and feeds on
stymies, cleeks, and voats of censure it is very clever and has no
ennemies but it _simply wont_.]
The Shuv
N^o 3.
(Mr. Chamberlain.)
This is not a flattring likness but there is a great fassination about
its rite eye if you look close
[Illustration: The Shuv
This Animal is a caution. It gets the best of it. It likes to live in
hot water and has a nasty bite. It is better to go the other way]
The Oom
N^o 4.
(President Kruger.)
I wonder why they say this is "mannifessly inflewnced by Landsere at
his best."
[Illustration: The Oom
This strange old Animal is a wily one. He is very clever and disslikes
strangers. Its not a bit of good to try to coax him he only says rude
things and then prays and sings hyms. The Shuv has tried him all round
but he only grunts and goes on praying]
The Mailyphist
or
Gossplespredda
N^o 5.
(Prince Henry of Prussia.)
The "Kyow Chyow Vissitors List" says "this is probelly a remarkable
peece of portritcher." It is all theyve seen of him yet. His voige _is_
certenly somwhat pretracted.
[Illustration: The Mailyphist or Gossplespredda
This queer little animal lives on the sea as there is not room for two
of them in Germany It crawls about trying to get to China to fetch some
laurels and to plant shields and cathedrils and things. If you have
such a thing as a little coal about you it will be very much obliged.
It will get there _some_ day I seppose.]
The Pawkywit
N^o 6.
(Lord Rosebery.)
I have been rather seccessfull in getting the eger hopeful look into
the futesher in his eyes havnt I
[Illustration: The Pawkywit
This dear little Animal likes to run on the turf and that makes the
good ones start praying for him. It does not like the Hark and has a
dainty little way of hiding itself among books and then it waits and
waits and waits——]
The Jook
N^o 7.
(Duke of Devonshire.)
The backround of this pickture is considered by some to be my
masterpeace. They say it is just like a Corrow. I daresay it is.
[Illustration: The Jook
This Animal is very trustworthy but he is always fast asleep. He would
much rather _you_ did it if you dont mind.]
The Benchiboss
N^o 8.
(Lord Halsbury.)
Oh! I forgot all about the Marquises—_they_ come first. That _is_ an
ovasite! What a _funny_ little dumpy he is!
[Illustration: The Benchiboss
This funny little Creature is very kind and never forgets a friend. He
lives on a Woolsack and gives away things——He has got a Earlship for
been so good and clever so he comes next after the Joox.]
The Labb
N^o 9.
(Mr. Labouchere.)
I thought this would be baught for the town-hawl at northamten but some
malline influense must have been at work
[Illustration: The Labb
This queer little Creature does not like roads nor peers. It likes
to get into shady places and drag things out into the light. If you
pretend the Hess is coming it will run into Wesminster Abbey or
anywhere]
The Bujjit-Hatcha
or
Hicksybeech
N^o 10.
(Sir M. Hicks-Beach.)
He does look a little bare and draughty. He would have looked better
with his surplus on I think.
[Illustration: The Bujjit-Hatcha or Hicksybeech
This Animal is always trying to balance things with a little over
to one side. It is very nice and plainspoken. It comes up to every
front-door just to see how you are getting on and get a little
something in the pound——It lives on beer and tobacco and tin-tackses]
The Wheedlepat
N^o 11.
(Mr. Gerald Balfour.)
The criticks say this is "a life-like pressenment" and the "flesh-tints
are remarkeble for there lewminosserty".
[Illustration: The Wheedlepat
This gracefull and culcherd Creature has a very skillful way of getting
on the right side of people. They thought at first it was a fish out
of water but that was quite wrong. It looks awfull solemm and poetick
but that is wrong too. It is very kind and goes into every shanty and
cracks jokes and pats the pig. It has got a most bewtifull bill coming
which works like majick
It lives on shammrocks and stetististicks with a few batons
sometimes—for rellish]
The Goash
N^o 12.
(Mr. Goschen.)
You _should hear_ his riddle about when a lock-out is not a lock-out.
It is screemingly funny and evrybody has to give it up!
[Illustration: The Goash
This odd little salt-water Animal is very good at sums and gets on
pretty well with the Esstimits. But if you ask him anything very
dificult he runs under the gallery to get the answer. When strikes is
on he is very kind and doesnt expeck no ships finished—he looks the
other way]
The Leck
N^o 13.
(Professor Lecky.)
It seems a grate risk for this one to ventcher out into a rough rude
world. I wonder how he gets over the crossings.
[Illustration: The Leck
This gentle Creature is very kind and winsome so everybody likes it. It
has a wonderfull brain and knows a lot. When it sees a Artiss about it
folds up and tries to look like part of the Dado. It is almost a sin to
make its picture.]
The Stagynite
N^o 14.
(Sir Henry Irving.)
Some people considder this riting very rude—it certenly is not foolsome
in its prays.
[Illustration: The Stagynite
This funny Creature gets up things very nicely. When people go to see
it it makes the queerest noises and stamps on the floor and drags
itself about. I expect he says it all right but you cant tell]
The Ruddikipple
N^o 15.
(Mr. Rudyard Kipling.)
They say I have idellised him rather but I cant help it if I have.
[Illustration: The Ruddikipple
This little Animal is very strong and viggrous and knows everything.
If anybody tries to beat it it brings out a fresh tail and then nobody
cant touch that either. It stirs everybody up so it would make a
pew-opener want to die for his country. If a Lorryit shews his nose it
just squashes him flat.]
The Bobbz
N^o 16.
(Lord Roberts.)
This is quite a battle-pickture. The handling seggests mysonnyer. I
seem wonderfly versytial.
[Illustration: The Bobbz
This tiny little Animal is all pluck and is full of beans, but he does
not try to spread himself like some do. Directly an ennemy shews his
nose he has a neat little way of "pulling it off." All soldiers like
him though he took them very long walks sometimes. He has got such a
lot of meddles he has to leave most of them in the cloakroom.]
The Showt
N^o 17.
(Mr. John Burns.)
This is another full-face pickture. I cant do many more of _them_!
[Illustration: The Showt
This little Animal is very honest and likes to fight. It has a very big
voice on both sides—whichever it likes. It likes to get on a waggon
in the Park and call out about wellth and capicklists and things. It
sounds better out of doors.]
The Painticheef
N^o 18.
(Sir E. J. Poynter.)
I have heard he thaught the droring of this very deaft and mastelly. I
should have thaught it was a oppertewnety for the Chantrey Fun but I
have herd nothing _as yet_.
[Illustration: The Painticheef.
This Animal is wonderfull clever and lerned and plays at marbles with
the Tadd. He stands at the top of the stairs in among the plants and
goes on shaking hands with them all as they come up untill he falls
back exorsted. Then they prop him up with ferns and collums and things
and he just _bows_ till daylite. He has got two awfull nice possitions
to stand in too. He keeps a warn comfitable home in Traffalger Square
for old worn out masters of schools that are shut up. He is dredfull
particular who he takes in. He wont have them if they have gone
cracked. (I shall send this pickture to the Accaddermy—he may like to
put it on the line in the Blacking-White Room)]
The Tadd
N^o 19.
(Mr. Alma Tadema.)
_I_ cant help it if this _did_ make Mister Briton Rivvyare go green
with envy. It _must_ be ennoying to see an outsighder do it so nice.
[Illustration: The Tadd
This little Animal is awfull good at marbles. Nobody cant do it like
him. He knows all about the ancients and what kind of boots they wore
on sundays and just how they use to sit about and throw roses and make
refflections on things in genneral. They didn't do much else according
to him. You can always tell where one of his picktures is by the crowd
of artisses round it—all putting their noses agenst it and then steping
back and striking silly atetudes. He has got such a big voice that as
fast as they stick the picktures up, it shakes them all down again]
The Zolafite
N^o 20.
(M. Emile Zola.)
This is diseppointing as a work of Art
[Illustration: The Zolafite
This Animal is very bold and currageous. He is very clever at his work
but he gets very broad in places. The lower down things are the harder
he tries to get them out. The Troof is buried very deep just now and
that is what he is looking for. So they are all dancing with rage and
say he is a Itallian]
The Woolz
N^o 21.
(Lord Wolseley.)
Sybil Corbett must be awfuly mad to see me droring as good as this.
There is hardly a trase of the ammerchewer.
[Illustration: The Woolz
This brilliant little Creature is a fearfull fiter he is all over glory
and titals and ilectrick-lights He likes to have his battles ready
overnight then he _does_ them in the erly morning before the milkman
calls when everyone else is in bed and asleep. He gets all the powder
and baynits and cammerers and repporters ready and it can all be in
the papers the same day. Then he prases everyboddy else for fiting so
nobbly—it sounds just like Waterlew—but somehow there is not so very
many killed though it does look so terrible in the lime-lite. That
is his cleverness I expeckt. Parlyment allways thanks him for it—he
certanly does make a neat job of it and he has such a nice way of
bringing home umbrellas and torture-chambers and things to show he has
really been there. If he does anything else he will have to be made a
Jookdom.]
The Klark
N^o 22.
(Sir Edward Clarke.)
This is a study in teckstchers and keeraskewroh—and a speaking likeness
as well
[Illustration: The Klark
This clever little Animal is a terror to fight. He covers himself up in
silk and horsehair every day and then he runs along passages and pops
into all sorts of diffrent cases one after another and draws a nice
little screw out of them too. There isnt no need to be hanged while you
can get him (I think this is nicer drawn than most of my picktures—I do
hope he'll like it)]
The Jappypote
or
Lytervaysha
N^o 23.
(Sir E. Arnold.)
I hear he has a lovly _shrine_ to write in at the Daly Tellegraff
office and the offise-boy burns Joss-sticks at him every harf hour. It
helps him to write nicer.
[Illustration: The Jappypote or Lytervaysha
This little Animal writes such nice potery. He is found at all swarries
with his chest smotherd all over with stars and krisanthenums and
rising suns and other ornaments. He has heard the East a calling so he
doesnt like London there is not enough houris and dymios and things
about. They say he is growing a pig-tail—he feels so orientle]
The Reed
or
Bildaphleet
N^o 24.
(Sir E. J. Reed.)
He says he _did_ send his son to Harrow _what more could he do_!
Spelling must have been an "extrer" I should think It is a distressing
site to see the way he does it.
[Illustration: The Reed or Bildaphleet
This splendid but desining Animal is awfull good at shipps. He has a
curious little taste for liking them to keep on the surfiss and flote
the right way up which was very annoying to the ammerchures who mannage
these things for us so nicely in parlyment. He is full of strength and
boyancy and stebbility there isnt no one quite like him _I_ think—so is
his shipps they seem to last for ever as good as new. He writes such
viggrous letters that is a moddle of riting and he is a good powett to.
It is a grate pity he didnt teach his _son_ how to spell _he_ seems to
get worse and worse—he is a =_perfeckt dissgrase_=.]
The Sullivan
N^o 25.
(Sir Arthur Sullivan.)
I had the esistents of the leading musickle exspurts in aranging the
musick on him
[Illustration: The Sullivan
This little Creature is full of the most lovly tewnes and all other
kinds of musick. Nobody didnt know how humerous wind-instrymants was
till he did it. He will get a trombown or a hoboy to talk just for all
the world like a rettired curnel only _funnier_—it will make you ake
with laughing. He writes the most holy tewnes too and makes you fancy
you are soring about with other angels in the upper-boxes. (I wrote
this wile goveness was out of the room—she would say it was awfull
irevrent I exspect)]
The Skippydan
or
Droorileno
N^o 26.
(Mr. Dan Leno.)
I have had the nicest complements on this picture from Royal
Ecademisians. They say it is so full of "_veuve_."
[Illustration: The Skippydan or Droorileno
This dear little Animal is never still for a moment though it is full
of wheezes. He is very proud of his feet—you can see them if you look
carefully. Sculpters rave about him—they say he is so stattuwesk]
The Aird
or
Dammynile
N^o 27.
(Mr. John Aird.)
The back-rownd seen of this pictture is laid at Filey-the-Bewtifull
where the damms is to take place
[Illustration: The Aird or Dammynile
This kind Animal is allways so pleased to see you. He is very
enterprising and has a funny way of contrackting himself and getting
into the bed of a river and blocking it all up till it runs over.
I should think the whole place will be full of crockerdials and
irrigators and things. He has such a _bewtifull_ beard—it looks as if
he would make a very nice _prophet_, dont you think so]
The Coneydoil
or
Shurlacombs
N^o 28.
(Dr. Conan Doyle.)
This is a Alpyne seen. Please notise the way I have got the glare off
the snow.
[Illustration: The Coneydoil or Shurlacombs
This big friendly Creature is very shrood and saggacious. If he finds
a footprint he can tell you what colored hair it has and whether it is
a libbral or a conservetive—which is very clever I think. He plays all
games and always makes a hundred. He likes to run through the "Strand"
with his tail in parts—all of them strong and healthy—then he colects
it all together and it runs for a long time by itself]
The Timm
N^o 29.
(Mr. Timothy Healy.)
I find profeels ever so much easier—there is only one eye to restle
with for one thing.
[Illustration: The Timm
This prickly biting little Animal is about the cleverest of them. He
turns his back round to the others so you can see he hasnt got hardly
any tail behind him. He has a precius nasty sting though all the same
that will give you fits if you irretate him—it will make you wish you
were at some quiet see-side place. He use to bellong to a party of
seventy but he has turned the other sixty-nine out into the cold]
The Leedabar
or
Dikkiwebbsta
N^o 30.
(Sir Richard Webster.)
There is few drawings that has rowsed more pubblick inthewsiasum than
this one
[Illustration: The Leedabar or Dikkiwebbsta
This able Animal has such a noble brain that there is only just room
for it. It can't get any higher without going right out of the House.
It sings like a bird and says it fears no foe in shining armer but
hymms seems to suit it best I think. Everybody likes it as long as
it doesnt get singing. It tried to make a apollergy once but it was
dredfully lame and _couldnt_. It lives on parchment and staind-glass.]
The Trimmadome
or
Willirich
N^o 31.
(Sir William Richmond.)
I _did_ enjoy doing his hair. It is done like that Cleo de Merroads!
[Illustration: The Trimmadome or Willirich
This pleasant little Creature lives up inside a dome over a whispring
gallery and spends all his time sticking on nice little pictures and
patterns. You cant see much of them from downstairs but he _says_ they
are all _quite relligious_ and he is very relliable]
The Wagg
or
Tommibole
N^o 32.
(Mr. Gibson Bowles.)
M^r Spielman says "this remarkable work is reddolent of the sea and the
droring of the wave-forms is worthy of Hook or Eyrecrow."
[Illustration: The Wagg or Tommibole
This humorous little Creature is very shy and moddest. It lives on
salt-water and blue-books and what it doesnt know isnt worth a dead
star-fish. When questions is on it has a nice little way of rubbing
things in. It is _always =there=_]
The Jingonite
or
Yankiturk
N^o 33.
(Sir E. Ashmead Bartlett.)
Noboddy wasnt ever so pattriottic about other peoples countries as what
he is
[Illustration: The Jingonite or Yankiturk
This odd little Animal did not grow here you would think it had to hear
it talk. When it starts saving the Empier and singing Rule Britannyer
very loud they only look at the ceiling and talk about the weather and
how long this is likely to last]
The Hyah-Hyah
or
Fisklekrank
N^o 34.
(Sir C. Howard Vincent.)
He is a grate vollenteer too. He is a mixtcher of Moltky and Prince
Ruepert at menoovers
[Illustration: The Hyah-Hyah or Fisklekrank
This popular Animal wants to know where everything comes from—then he
scribbles all over it. I believe it would label its grandmother. If
it can get anybody to meddle with fiskle things it is quite happy and
cheers like winking. It has got a cheer that is so loud that I exspect
it will be quite out of order soon.]
The Kurnle
or
Armaghda
N^o 35.
(Colonel Saunderson.)
I hear he has had this framed for an air-lewm.
[Illustration: The Kurnle or Armaghda
This puggnacious Animal is allways thirsting for slaurter. He has made
himself such a nice dry ditch to die in if he can get the others to
come on. He wears his coats all out dragging them along the flore so
that somebody may step on them. If he can get anyboddy to stop and look
he will eat fire like one o'clock—but it isnt real. Just at present he
is taking the hat round. Everboddy likes him tho he is such a dessprit
charakter and so full of bloodtherstyniss. He draws nicely too—all
exept swords—in fact he is quite a carickachuriss—like me, only _I'm_ a
_perfeshernal_]
The Yauk
or
Rompyjack
N^o 36.
(Lord Charles Beresford.)
The criticks say I have "happily renderd the sea-brease bloing through
his epithettes."
[Illustration: The Yauk or Rompyjack
This merry little Animal makes a good deal of noise and never runs. He
is quite at home under fire or water. He just does it and thats all.]
The Punchiboss
or
EphseeBee
N^o 37.
(Mr. F. C. Burnand.)
This pickture and the nice ritin had a wonderfull bennyfishle effeckt
on his state of helth
[Illustration: The Punchiboss or EphseeBee
This humrous little Creature has a most commical brain—full of happey
thaughts. He settles on everything directly you put it in front of him.
He is awfull kind to chilldren so he gives me great enkurygment when I
do my picktures nice enough which is allmost allways now. He does buzz
round you though and prod you up. He likes to get a good run on the
boards sometimes. He has a skillful little way of knocking off a piece
if it comes in his way—he is very strong in the wings. He has got a
awfull clever lot of drawers and riters together—all of them genyusses
and tipes of english beuty. (I must get this put in sometime when he
is away—he might not like me to berlesk him after his polliteness and
forceheight in letting me beggin so young.)]
The Morl
or
Philopat
N^o 38.
(Mr. John Morley.)
It _is_ a shame to make such a nice gentleman look so plain. There is
no dowt I am _not_ a flattrer.
[Illustration: The Morl or Philopat
This kind honnest Animal is very fond of dubblin and like to play at
billding a house on the green for them to fite in. He is wearing the
green right through with trying so hard. When he is on the steemer he
nails things on to the mast. It is very odd he sits for Scotland and
stands up for Ireland. He is a bewtifull talker and riter and goveness
says he is a "pewriss in stile" (watever _does_ she mean). He is
strugling to learn the sord-dance over two umbrellas. It is awfull hard
though and he keeps all on kicking his ankells till he has to sit down
on the flore—then he plays on the bag-pipes like the heeros in India
but the neybours do complain so he will have to give it up or ellse
move into another districkt]
The Fowla
N^o 39.
(Sir H. H. Fowler.)
The "Maggasene of Art" thinks very highly of this one—the "Morbydetser"
of it is so fine it says. I seppose theyre right
[Illustration: The Fowla
This abill Animal is wonderfull strong and shrood and it can Jump up
and carry the whole house along with it if it likes to. It is very
sollid and watey and has got a large dessenting body behind it. It
knows all about "howdahs and rajahs and things" and it can turn pounds
and shillings into roopees while you wait. It knows the diffrence
bitween a millitry road and a footpath and if it made it itself or
if someone else did—which is more than _some_ peeple do. It can make
the Jorgiehammle wish he had never had a birthday. It is a very nice
corteer and queens like it imensely. It wears a indian shorl on state
occajions, it doesnt fancy kilts. It is leeder of the libbral party—so
is about half a dozen others too—they all do it at once but it dosnt
matter much Just now]
The Kortnee
N^o 40.
(Mr. Leonard Courtney.)
I wish the riting would not come so long but I'm ackwiring such
profishensy that I cant bring myself to short ones.
[Illustration: The Kortnee
This Animal has got a head full of rules and reggulatians. It is
awfull fond of all kinds of riddles. the ones it likes best are those
noboddy cant make head or tail of—the abstuser the better. They make
your hair all come off to think of them. He use to sit in a chair and
see they all behaved. He did it so nicely that they mesured him for a
bigger chair but it fitted someone else best so he lives in a tub now
like Diodgiknees. He gives awfull nice lecktures to passers-by and
says order order to himself. He wants to have members of parlyment
all diffrent sizes according to the waight of the voaters—he calls it
"prepporshnal repprisentatian" (I hope I have spellt it right) isnt
it silly. He is a leeder of fashion. He has got a pattent westcote of
a very funny colour that is most becomming. They say he comes out all
over brass buttens at night—he must look radiently bewtifull.]
The Padd
N^o 41.
(M. Paderewski.)
Isnt it rather a sub-aubern tipe of face—not quite what you would
exspeckt considdring the fuss.
[Illustration: The Padd.
This curious little Creature never comes out in the same place only
about once a year—that keeps his vallew up. They take him round in a
selloon carrige with his name very large on the outside hermiticly
seeld and deckerated with maden-hare ferns and rare browcades. They
stop at the towns and let him out to play for a few minutes and
then all the ladies in dabbly dresses weep and gassp and shreek out
"_Divvine_!" andsettra and rush about after him till the pollice steps
in—then they kiss the legs of the piyanno and mone for a fortnight
after.
He looks more like a _mopp_ than anything _I_ think.]
The Thrums
N^o 42.
(Mr. J. M. Barrie.)
I dont mean to say he doesnt bat very nice but he might _just as well_
go for _long drives_ out into the country.
[Illustration: The Thrums
This dellightful little Creature is very retiring and knows a intervure
direckly by his stelthy tredd. When he hears one he runs like litening
and gets under the sofer-cushions or inside the peyanno or crawls
in under the slates till it is all over. He use to live in a old
licht-house once. He is a marvelus mixture of the most commical humour
and the most beutiful paythoss. He is a reggular Ramsgitsingey at
cricket. He was to have gone to Orstralia with M^r Stodert but they
thought it was better for the Empire that he should not. You should see
him snick them among the slippers (I hope that is right.) When he goes
in to bat the fielders all come close up to him just to take hints in
batting.]
The Tobymp
or
Luciwits
N^o 43.
(Mr. H. W. Lucy.)
I had to leave ^{the} ralings out or else you wouldnt have seen him at
all
[Illustration: The Tobymp or Luciwits
This brilliant little Creature perches up in a gallery and peeps
through the ralings and brings out the most wonderfull pennytrating
notes. He prettends to be asleep but he is all the wide-awaker really.
He has the most lovely head of hair—they say it is some kind of Essence
what he has made up himself that makes it come so luxuryous. He rubs
it into the members too sometimes but he has such a plessant skilful
little way of doing it all round and just touching on the points of
their bills that they rather like it I believe]
The Weeda
N^o 44.
("Ouida.")
I had no idea I could do hair so natcheral as this or I would have done
it bifore.
[Illustration: The Weeda
This sentimentle little Animal is a most wonderfull disscriber—full of
gaugeous colours. She has a terrible fassinating kind of hero who goes
out to battle talking several langwages with a gardeeniya and lavinder
kid gloves on and carrying a ormerlew lunch-basket inlade with plovers
eggs. He makes little rings with his cigerret smoke while he conkuers
the enemy. He is a mixture of Sandow and Cupid and Bobby Spencer and
Richard Curdyleong. She is very kind hearted to other Animals. She was
thought rather risky for girls-schools sometime ago untill all the
M^{rs} Tankyrays started dragging their "parsts" about—then it didn't
matter]
The Tree
N^o 45.
(Mr. Beerbohm Tree.)
Isnt he nice and willowy. It takes a very clothes study of anattemy to
draw pessitions like this.
[Illustration: The Tree
This pickturesk Creature moves about on the boards in the most
undewlating graceful manner and likes to have a skillful lime-lite man
who can follow him about and squirt it nicely all over his expreshun.
He has b^{u}ilt himself a gorgeous theertre called her magesty's
because she dosnt never go near it. He is awfull good at maykupps. He
likes to have no end of collums all about _him_. The Tadd has folded
all his linen for him so nice that he looks just like a real Roman
figure. _What_ a washing-bill he must have with all those toegers and
forums and things.]
The Lorryit
N^o 46.
(Mr. Alfred Austin.)
I meant to have drorn him trying to get over a very rustick stile he's
got but I quite forgot. It dosnt matter does it.
[Illustration: The Lorryit
This queer little Animal has got himself smotherd in with lorrels and
he dosnt hardly ever show—there has been too much rime outside for him
I expeckt. He is allways hearing voices what noboddy else can Once
it was like wimmen and children screming out for help. Now it sounds
like Ammerican. It says it wants to have done with its worn-out tail
the tail of a anshent wrong (It doesnt seem to mean much—does it) When
there is Royel babies going on he has to sepply the Royel familly with
nice fresh odes and potery of a joyfull carecter—That is what he is
_for_—it _must_ be a _dredfull_ life]
The Ellen
N^o 47.
(Miss Ellen Terry.)
I am told Miss Louie Freer is very much hurt at been passed over
for this one but hers is a diffrent stile of luvliness—more like a
_Wattow_.
[Illustration: The Ellen.
This gracefull and skittish little Animal is a wonder to behold. She
never seems to get no older in spight of the lapps of time. When she
gets playing with the Stagynite the congrigation go quite silly with
rapcher and they go on till they make her come out and bob about and
kiss her hands in the most commical fashen. She is a wonderfull good
Porsher and she has got a very nice Oliviyer in stock too. As long as
she doesnt get _too_ kittenish there is noboddy cant do it like her]
The Sarabee
N^o 48.
(Madame S. Bernhardt.)
This one seems to combine the suttle charm of a Rumney with the
deckretive effeckt of a "peraffleite".
[Illustration: The Sarabee
This remarkeble Animal is the idle of the parizzians. It is very
snakey and dramattick. It has the most blood-kerdling little ways
of ettracting attenshen. When it travles it takes black tiegers and
coffins and skellitens along with it to make peeple talk and shudder.
It has a most lovly serching voise that is ordible in the cheap seats
when you cant here a word the June premyier has got to say for himself.
It is quite a sculpcher too in its way and has got a stewjio where it
paints in trowsers _That_ seems very forwerd and exentrick but we musnt
be too sensurious I seppose]
The Villistanph
N^o 49.
(Mr. Villiers Stanford.)
I havnt done justiss to the quire. I havnt quite caught the look of
aggytashen and holy enthewsiasum in there eyes—the mouths took up
nearly all the room in the face.
[Illustration: The Villistanph
This tewnful and most versytial little Animal is hily skild at every
sought of mewsick. He keeps a quirefull of mewsickle arristicrats that
call out Bach together. He persenally conduckts them through requiyumms
and things and they get perple in the face trying to keep one eye on
his conduckting-rod. It must be a great strane for the eyesite. He is
awfull good at Irish Jiggs too—that _must_ be a plesant change for them
all after the congrigashen is all left.]
The Octavus
N^o 50.
(Sir Henry Thompson.)
This is "a studdy of exspreshen worthy of the best peeriads of english
art" so "the stewdio" says "The impassetoe is very fine" it says. I
should never have thaught of that.
[Illustration: The Octavus
This clever soshable Animle has got a mainyer for _eights_ of
everything. Eight gests—all sellybreighted—eight wines, eight wayters,
eight o'clock and then they all corrusceight and sintilleight at him
like anything. He will soon been a octyginnaryin all over—wont _that_
be a dellite to him. Hes a extrordnary surgen so he knows all about
joints and things and is wonderfull good at diyett. He spends all his
spare time tickling up the palette. He is a grate bleever in creamashen
and says we shall ^{_all_} _come to it some day_—I dont call that
pollite, do you. I thaught _that_ was riserved for those that is not
regglar attenders at church or made faces at goveness.]
The Phil
N^o 51.
(Mr. Phil May.)
I exspeckt I shall have to pressent this to the Nashnal Portret
Gallry—then I shall be handed down as his "_muniffisent dona_."
[Illustration: The Phil
This commicle little Creature drors the hevenlyest picktures. He has
made the portrets of all the eyleet of Petticote Lane. The critticks
say he is a "masster of teckneek". It must be very nice to be called
names like that—_I never_ get it. He drors a mixtcher of Albut Dewra
and Mr Sarjent and Sir Danniel Leeno. He oans a most bewtifull _fringe_
that few can rivle. I didnt _mean_ to give him sech a addulating when I
started—I do hope it wont make him prowd and horty]
The Wunnudiddit
N^o 52.
(The Perpetrator, E. T. R.)
I fear this will be a dredfull shock to _some_ but they say I musnt
tryfle with peaple's effecktions any longer. It seems a pitty to have
to rellinquish my "incoggnetow."
[Illustration: The Wunnudiddit
This abnoxious little Animal is the anommylous auther of this Ceres.
He got all in among the Stone Age once and kept all on doing the most
ebsurd picktures He is a kind of Preestorick Pepys. They _were_ a
ruff lot acording to him they ocupide all there spare time chopping
oneynother up and dodging the most lothsome lumpy Animals. _These_
picktures is coming out in book-phorm now so this is the _END_. What
a releef to crownd heads and others that has got left out and what a
mersyful releese from his ettroshus stile of spelling. How dredfull
_plain_ he is too.]
[Illustration: Tail-piece]
[Illustration]
_Bradbury, Agnew, & Co. Ld.,
Printers,
London and Tonbridge._
[Illustration]
* * * * *
TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES
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brackets enclosing the superscripted letters after a caret symbol e.g
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as possible, including obsolete and variant spellings and other
inconsistencies.
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